I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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