I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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