this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
its liver damage thursday
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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