dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Randomize
