I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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