Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.