just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
