I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
please don't ironically join a cult
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