I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
