i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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