just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
