just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
