We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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