Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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