If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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