I should be sponsored by Trojan
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
