Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
