I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
