You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
