What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
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It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
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I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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