All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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