Tell her she can't have a vagina
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She bit a glass in half.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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