I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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