We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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