So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
