No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
