I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
