i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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