I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
