And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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