Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
