If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
