i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
