Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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