I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
