How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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