Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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