I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I will pee on everything he values.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
