I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
