Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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