wakey wakey hands off snakey
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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