whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
