he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
