I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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