woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
