then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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