Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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