He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
