Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
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My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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