Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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