i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
