I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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