I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
