He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
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this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
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I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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