to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
