I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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