explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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