I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
kristin has been a bad kristin
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
