No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
