two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
