she looked like the bat from fern gully.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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