your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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