I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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