I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
